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New York

I was warned that after spending a month in Japan, I would feel like a goldfish in a bowl and need to come up for air. It’s beginning to feel like that time of the month and I made an opportunity to escape.

I had a screening of Liberace in New York and I needed time to reflect on this film and whether or not to make a film at all in Japan.

I’m still asking myself is this the place i wanna be? sometimes it hurts real bad but then there are good times, mostly in the evening. God damn it, I keep meaning to give up drinking. I woke again at 3pm, went to bed at 5am this morning, it was only Sunday night. What happened to my catholic upbringing?

Anyway New York was the chance to take me away. I met with someone I’d never met before, (a friend of a friend) and made a very close friend by the end of my 3 days in New York. Me and Murat were like Turkish brothers, I appreciated his hospitality a lot, but by the end of the 3 days he said he’d partied enough for the year, and I was only just beginning, like a goldfish that had jumped from the bowl.

The screenings went well (as always in New York). I love New Yorkers. I wanted to make the decision to leave Japan and never return… but god damn it, I was missing the place! and more-so the food, New York used to be a food paradise but it now seemed awful when compared to Japan. Even for me as a vegetarian, this place (Japan) really is the food capital of the world. They make better French food then the French, better bread, pastry, coffee, ice cream, cakes..

Oh god my weight, I never took up karate, it felt too much of a cliché, and I was scared of being bruised at my delicate age. So i intended to go to the gym, I even got a map of the nearest park to jog, but instead I’m waking late watching my belly grow bigger on great food and no exercise.

So I was kind of excited to be returning to Japan, then it started to snow in New York. Oh my god, it snowed. I took a cab to the airport but we lost the airport! nowhere to be seen. It was New York’s 2nd heaviest snow storm. 2 feet of snow, we were guided by a passing car to the airport finally. The flight was delayed 10 hours until the evening. Fortunately I’d upgraded with air miles and had a business class seat, so I was in the lounge. I watched the machines hard at work removing the snow on the runway, but just as they moved it more snow would come. It seemed never ending.

Then half an hour before we were due to fly the flight was canceled. We were shipped to a terrible hotel, had a terrible meal, terrible breakfast and ferried back to the airport the next day where I found I’d been downgraded to economy class because the flight was full – but given 3 seats to myself to sleep on, and access to the drinks bar up front. Some comfort.

I arrived back in Japan more exhausted then when I left, my relaxing weekend ended with more stress than a month in Japan. Now I’m sat here feeling like leaving but knowing I’m staying still looking for something to relate to, something to call my film.

Salarymen

Salarymen old and new have made this country what it is. But what a price to pay.

Today I went to the poorest district of Tokyo called San Ya. Here homeless Japanese live on the streets. It was like walking into the backstreet’s of China not modern Japan. I was approached in a friendly way by gangs of men standing on street corners drinking Sake and beer.

These men’s misfortune came after the last recession in the late 1980`s. It is difficult to imagine that they were salarymen who believed they had jobs and pensions for life. For them, the collapse of the company meant not only a great personal loss but a mighty fall from grace. Funny that this area is the only place I’ve seen alcohol sold from machines in the streets. It felt like a caring gesture from this bustling economy to give something back to these men who had given their lives to Japan. Like anyone living on the street the alcohol numbs the cold and the pain of the past, but unlike homeless people in other countries the homeless in Japan still get up and go to work each day.

These men queue for whatever work they can get, employed on a daily basis, they said they can earn 8000 Yen for a days work, about $70, or £40. They sleep in day hotels that cost about 2200 Yen £12 a night if they are lucky… more often than not they live in cardboard boxes on the streets that have become their homes. Most of them have lost their families. I watch them standing around sipping from little cups of Sake bought from vending machines in the streets.

In the posh part of Tokyo where I stay I’ve also been watching the armies of modern day salarymen, visible by their black coats suits and ties, file in and out of trains, coffee shops, restaurants. I watch them sleep standing up in packed trains as they make their way home late at night. They often work 12, 14, 16 or 18 hours a day. It is their commitment and hard work that has made Japan successful. An economic army who work what ever hours are needed. I read today that the country is set to grow by 5% this year, coming out of recession with a vengeance. You can see why when you observe the salarymen and office lady’s whose dedication is at the heart of Japan’s success.

Being in Japan really makes me wonder about the quality of life. To me life seems hard in the world’s second largest economy – where the minimum wage is set at 750 Yen for one hour (about £5) and where the Governments set maximum working day is supposed to be 8 hours, but people regularly work 12 , 14, 16 ,18 hours. I was drinking at 2am in a bar last night (this morning) and got a call from Mayumi the office fixer, she was still working – as was the whole office!

Society here steamrolls ahead, this powerful economy is all about moving forward at whatever cost. It never stops to question or take heed from the past, it just moves ahead.

But wealth comes with a price. The obvious despair of the homeless salarymen is hard to accept in a country so rich. It is difficult to imagine them wearing the black suits and ties today. They look like any other drunk in any other country now.

The plight of the homeless salarymen and the tired army of modern day salarymen reminds me of a quote I read before coming here, ‘Japan has one foot in the future, one foot in the past and nothing in the present’.

Today it feels true.

Mr. Matsui’s Office

Fuck another night on the town, traipsing through the sex-filled streets of Shibuya in the beautiful snow, filming world famous Russian documentary film-maker Victor Kosakovskiy (the second film maker to arrive). We are four in total, we all need to get our ideas in to NHK Japan by the beginning of March.

Me and Victor were drunk, filming all the gorgeous women in the red light district… in and out of bars, sake and strong japanese spirit followed by gin and tonics and and and…

I haven’t been back to my little school, I wanted to find something new, I’m still discovering Japan. I want to really find someone I can talk to, someone I can have a dialogue with… pose questions about this crazy society… answer the anxieties that i’ve been building up in my mind over these last 4 weeks. Find someone who is smart and not so subservient like all the Japanese seem to be…

I began filming the production office who are helping make these films in Tokyo. The kind hearted producer Mr. Matsui, “Hello Mr. Sean… you are very welcome…” he took the camera off me and filmed me, introducing me to all his staff. Please meet Miss Mayumi (23 year old assistant) and Mr. Jimbo (23 year old male assistant).

I love the office, it is the other side of Japan for me. Not high tech or clinically clean – it is full of old clunky VHS editing suites and has a wonderful dirty floor. Papers all over, staff smoking at their desk… So this is modern japan? This where Japan the 1st world nation meets Japan the 3rd world mentality…

wow…

I cannot hide my bewilderment – Jimbo now has the camera and I feel it right on me. He comes closer capturing a lonely pensive moment where I feel sad for the state of this office. “Mr. Sean” he says. “You look so sad, like you are going to cry… why?” I am speechless for a moment and make some excuse…

In many ways it is my most memorable moment here yet, at that time I’m asking myself, why am I here? What am I doing? And in a way I’m feeling sorry for these people trapped in this place. In this office and in Japan.

Communism meets capitalism here – for a moment I’m back in Saddam’s Iraq

Later Mr. Matsui is joking around, pulling sleeping bags down from cupboards and placing them on the office floor. He gets me to climb in to illustrate how his staff sleep on the office floor when they’re working late. Jimbo gets four chairs on wheels, pulls them together and shows me his makeshift bed also.

Mayumi has been helping me with my research, I’ve seen her getting more and more tired. I was getting worried and wanted to say something to Mr. Matsui, but it may be interpreted as her failing to provide her duties properly so I didn’t say anything. Mayumi travels 2 hours to work each way each day, her last train leaves Tokyo at 11.30 and she is always back in the office by 10 each morning.

I notice Jimbo nodding off at his computer, it is 6.30 in the evening – probably another 5 hours to go before home time. I grab the camera and film him. It is a funny but shocking moment. Really interesting to see how people can sleep on their feet, in their hands or even just sitting facing the computer. Looking at Jimbo from behind you could never tell he was sleeping. It is a crafted skill he has acquired at the tender age of 23. In a busy place like this everyone turns a blind eye to the grabbing of 40 winks.

But being around such a committed workforce makes me feel guilty. I swan in and out of the office when I like. Casually getting out of bed at 2 in the afternoon after a heavy night on the town. This atmosphere makes me think that maybe I need to change… that maybe it is my fault that I am not getting any closer to the Japanese. I decide to turn a new leaf. At least try. My latest concept in keeping myself amused here is; ‘Becoming Japanese’.

A new working title. Filming Mr. Matsui – the head producer here, I explain that I need him to schedule me like the Japanese are scheduled, to order my day, to get me out of bed and out of the pub. This is going to be a clash of cultures where east meets west but doesn’t quite understand each other. The kind of thing that amuses my childlike mind. Mr. Matsui resists at first saying that he envies my ‘relaxed… casual approach to life… this not possible in japan….’

I insist that he attempt to organise me, I’ve been getting worried about doing nothing here and finding so many distractions/attractions elsewhere in the sleezy bars. Finally Mr. Matsui sits me down with his chart, ‘Mr. Sean’s Schedule’.

“OK Mr. Sean, what time did you wake up today?” “10am” I tell him from the behind the camera. He writes this down on his chart. “Then what did you do?” “I went for a coffee” he looks up at me. “Then what did you do?” “I went back to bed.”

I cannot hold back my laughter the camera wobbles as I giggle. It had been a particularly long night and I’d had difficulty getting the day started. Mr. Matsui looked bemused.

“Ok so what did you wake up number 2?” “12 o clock” I tell him. He writes this down. “Then what did you do?” “I went for a pizza.” “You went for a pizza?” He writes it down. “Then what did you do?” “I went back to bed.” “What!” Mr. Matsui leaps back shaking his head in disbelief. “Oh my god.. So what time did you wake up number 3?” “About half an hour ago before I came to your office.” He looks at his watch… it is 4pm. “Ok Mr. Sean we are going to have to get you organized.”

The irony is that there are still enough hours left before midnight, when this office will close, to squeeze in a normal day’s work, yet this office has been open since morning. I look over at jimbo nodding off. Later Mayumi reveals that she doesn’t like to nap in public and nips to the toilet when she cannot keep her eyes open.

This is the Scary Bit

Looking and not Finding…

I need to find someone interesting enough to keep me here and keep an audience engaged in this film. I’ve decided to film my search for the story as I feel I keep missing things… the Japan I’m discovering with new fresh eyes is not being filmed. I like to show this through my character but I haven’t found him or her yet. I need to know what I think and feel about this place first, which takes time. What is it I want to say about Japan?

I saw the Bukowski documentary a couple of nights ago in Tokyo of all places. I was feeling down and wanting to escape Japan and the thought of making this film. Japan sometimes feels so alien to me, which is funny seeing that it wasn’t so long ago that we foreigners were known as the ‘aliens’ here.

I was ready to throw in the towel, the challenge of starting a new film always seems like a mountain too big to climb. The truth is, it is actually like climbing two huge mountains one after the other.

Bukowski moved me, inspired me, in this documentary we feel like we meet him for the first time. He just soldiered on, he made me think I should. I’ve been thinking of taking up karate instead of drinking so much over here. The idea appeals, but each time I get close to walking through the door of the ‘spirit gym’ I find myself wandering away again.

It is hard to get inspired here. Sometimes I get the feeling, the urge… I know I want to make a film about freedom. Modern Japan reminds so much of life in Saddam’s Iraq. The safety I felt there I feel here, no one will touch me, nothing will happen to me. This is why I like Japan but also why I hate it.

I like seeing infants unaccompanied on the subway heading to school safely. This is how it should be, isn’t it?

Japan makes me re-evaluate the ‘freedom’ we have in the west. Occasionally I look over my shoulder when I hear a bang or crash, when a car pulls up close I get nervous. Living so long in lawless Iraq has left its scars and they are hard to erase. So I appreciate this safety now. Even if it means that its citizens often appear like wind-up dolls or robots, no one challenges, no questions … they just do. Why? Forget the word why? They just do. But I can’t forget why? It is my favourite word, and I’m beginning to miss it here.

Then it snows. I’m trying to make my way for a vegetarian Indian lunch, slipping and sliding on icy pavements. I come across teams of workers chiseling ice on hands and knees with hammers and chisels. It seemed crazy, “What are they doing??” I scream… robots… this place is crazy. I watched the meticulous operation, in modern Japan it looked very primitive.

Where this 1st world nation meets its 3rd world mentality.

I stand watching a man chipping away at one tiny piece of ice that now stands alone. It has no chance of survival. But it won’t disappear easy. I leave, eat my lunch and pass the same slippery pavement that is now dry and safe to walk on. It feels great to not slip and slide. It is now safe.

Suddenly Japan makes sense again, I’d got it wrong. I love this place. It is great. It makes sense.

My phone rings it is the instructor from the ‘spirit gym’. He says he is expecting me tomorrow. Now I know I must step through the sliding Japanese doors I’ve been avoiding. No way back.